What is your grief?

As I listened to author David Kessler (Finding Meaning, the 6th stage of grief) share with author Brené Brown on her podcast “Unlocking Us”,  Kessler’s words struck a familiar chord with me: “We (society) are grieving a collective loss of the world we knew” because of the Covid-19 pandemic. We’ve been living through the pandemic for several months now, and as the seasons change during this time, so do our seasonal rhythms, rituals and routines. Our expectations and plans for the patterns of life are gone, and our world overturned.  Our lives remain uncertain, and perhaps filled with confusion, anxiety, sadness, anger and powerlessness.

I wonder if this is what it was like for Jesus’ disciples during the Saturday between Jesus crucifixion and resurrection.

John 14:25-27 (MSG):

“The Friend, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send at my request, will make everything plain to you. He will remind you of all the things I have told you. I’m leaving you well and whole. That’s my parting gift to you. Peace. I don’t leave you the way you’re used to being left—feeling abandoned, bereft. So don’t be upset. Don’t be distraught”.

The night before his crucifixion, Jesus talked about leaving, but he mentioned a “parting gift” of peace much better than any game show prize. He was preparing his disciples for his crucifixion and resurrection, preparing them for the Saturday in between the two. Saturday was a day of confusion, uncertainty, anxiety, anger and deep sadness.  Their plans and expectations were dashed to pieces and life was upended.

Jesus said to them “I’m not leaving you abandoned and bereft”. Instead, he left them with the peace of being well and whole.  The Greek word used for peace here is Eirene, the idea of harmony, of inner rest of the soul.  The disciples may not have felt inner rest that Saturday after Jesus’ crucifixion as their daily life with and plans and expectations of Jesus’ work in their lives was now gone.  Perhaps they felt powerless, confused, and certainly grieved at their tremendous losses, as we do now.

The disciples experienced not only the loss of their beloved Jesus, but also loss of their roles, plans, expectations, and dreams. We are also facing the loss of roles, expectations, routines, plans, or perhaps loss of friends or family member’s health.  As Kessler notes, we may not have known what we had until it was gone, but grief comes with the loss of something, anything (not just pandemic or death related) .  The disciples may not have known what they had, either, and Mark’s gospel tells us the disciples were grieving (16:10). 

Our grief and hope

We learned in the abortion recovery journey that the grieving process includes times of anxiety, sadness, anger and maybe guilt (survivor guilt; guilt or shame for feeling the way we do, or not being better prepared, etc.).  Every grief experience is unique and must be named in order to feel and move through those feelings.  When we don’t acknowledge our feelings, there can be negative physiological effects like headaches, ulcers, sleeplessness, etc. Sometimes bottled up emotions can spew out on others like a shaken can of soda, creating a sticky, relational mess.  

God knows we are feeling this way, so it’s okay to admit and express it to him. Jesus knew the disciples would feel the way they did, which is why he prepared them on Thursday by promising that he wasn’t abandoning them, and he left them peace and the coming Holy Spirit.  He hasn’t abandoned us, either, and spoiler alert, we already have the Holy Spirit.  On that uncertain Saturday the disciples needed to remember and hold onto the hope of Jesus’ promises. But by Sunday, two “downcast” disciples on the road to Emmaus said “they HAD hoped” in Jesus (Luke 24:17). Past tense. They were no longer hopeful in his promises.  They knew the grief and pain of Saturday, and they weren’t too hopeful for Sunday to be any better.

May we hold onto the hope of inner rest that a better Sunday is coming as we experience the grief and pain of our long Saturday! We can and need to share our experience of grief and confusion with each other, (while being socially distant or connected virtually) as the Emmaus travelers did.  But can we do so with our hearts hopeful in whatever resurrection is coming?  Can we cling to the promises of wholeness and peace, knowing we already have the Holy Spirit?  Having hope is not a way to skip over the feelings of grief. Rather, we grasp hope as we work through the grief feelings while holding onto the promises of the One who remains with us, and believe God’s words to Hosea: “I will transform the Valley of Trouble into a Gateway of Hope.” (2:15)

Let’s Talk: What losses are you grieving?  How can you feel and express them? 

How can or have you sought a gateway of hope in the midst of your Saturday season?