The leaves on trees have changed from varying shades of greens, yellows, reds, and browns. Each leaf has a unique color variation before falling. The now barren trees have a distinct branch formation. Snow will fall soon, and each tiny flake will have its own particular design.  Each one of us is also a unique part of the creation around us.

Author and pastor Mark Batterson noted in a recent podcast that God made each one of us unique: we each have our own fingerprint, voiceprint, and even sweat print.

Don’t compare

We marvel in gratitude and appreciation at the unique aspect of nature, yet how often do we get frustrated with our own uniqueness and compare ourselves with others and want to be more like them? We live in a culture that elevates particular aspects of particular people and we begin to compare ourselves and perhaps get caught in a drive to be more like them.  As we peer into certain features of others, we may contort ourselves to fit into a particular mold that we interpret them to have. We try to be someone we are not. 

As some 12-step recovery programs put it, we compare the inside of our lives to the outside of others’ lives.  It is also said that “when we compare, we despair”.  When we exalt others, we degrade ourselves.

The Apostle Paul suggests a different approach in Romans 12:6 (MSG):“So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ’s body, let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t.”

Celebrate

Paul encourages us to embrace our uniqueness, marveling in appreciation of how we are excellently formed! Just as we are awed with wonder at the beauty and creativity of nature, we are to joyfully celebrate the beautiful creativity in which we were expressly made. We are to step into and respect who we are made to be, rather than spend our time and energy in comparison traps.

Cognitive neuroscientist Dr. Caroline Leaf, in her devotional Switch on Your Brain Every Day reminds us that “God created you with intention and purpose”, and that “you are designed to reflect a unique part of the image of the divine”.  What an awe-inspiring thought to ponder.

We were not haphazardly made as an art project. Instead, our unique thoughts, features, talents, and abilities reflect the unique qualities of the Creator that formed us.  When I spend my time trying to be someone I am not, I am not appreciating what was so carefully crafted into me, nor honoring the Giver in whose image I am made.

Today as I admire the unique landscape around me, I will admire the unique landscape within me, too.

Let’s Talk: How can you celebrate the unique attributes that God has given you and be who you were made to be?

Photo: “Autumn Tree” by karen_hine

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Perspective makes a difference in how we cope with minor setbacks or major difficulties or tragedies (like health issues or a pandemic). We cannot always control stressful events happening around us, but we can control how we choose to interpret them and respond to them.

In scripture, the apostle James exhorts us to consider our troubles as “an opportunity for great joy” (James 1:2, NLT). Dr. Caroline Leaf notes in her devotional “Switch on Your Brain Everyday” that our perceptions are based on how we choose to see things (p. 110). We can choose to see troubles as a joyful opportunity to grow and learn or we can choose to see them as a defeating tragedy. As a 12-step recovery program puts it, “pain is inevitable, misery is optional”, it’s how you perceive the inevitable challenges of life and how you choose to move through a difficult stressor.

Diamond in the hand

It’s not about being Pollyanna or ignoring the reality of a tough situation. We need to see the truth of it in order to deal with it. Viewing a troublesome situation can be like turning a diamond over and over in the hands. With every turn, a new sun dance of light can be seen, a new prism of color or beauty comes as it is held to the light and examined. We can turn a troublesome situation over like a diamond and search for the prisms of opportunity and beauty of possibilities. We may miss something even as we turn it, so we ask objective others for help in seeing the facets we may be glossing over.

Interestingly, there are physiological and brain benefits to trying to see the opportunities or possibilities. According to Dr. Leaf, if our own perception is “glass ½ full”, the blood veseels around the heart dilate and the increased blood flow brings increased oxygen to the brain, which increases clarity of thought. This means a greater ability to problem solve and cope with the difficult situation (p.116). It’s amazing how our perceptions can move us from surviving to thriving!

Dr. Leaf also indicates that when we perceive a stress as positive (as suggested by James), a genetic switch in our genome is activated which increases our resilience in stressful situations overall. (p.118)

The Long Game

The biblical story of Joseph gives us a great example of resilience by looking at our situations with a more positive long-range, broader view (Genesis 37; 39-45).  Rather than being immobilized in his troublesome circumstances with anger, self-pity and fear, he considered an expansive God-size perspective.  He didn’t know what God was doing in his life, but he chose to consider that everything would eventually be worked out for good in some way.

Changing our perspective to see opportunities may take time. I’m learning that it’s important that I note and celebrate any positive movement in this direction to help me retrain my brain to search for the prisms of opportunity on a regular basis.

Let’s Talk: What current life circumstance can you examine like a diamond and consider the beauty of possibilities?

“Diamond Age” by jurvetson is licensed under CC BY 2.0

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I wonder if this is what it was like for Jesus’ disciples during the Saturday between Jesus crucifixion and resurrection.

John 14:25-27 (MSG):

“The Friend, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send at my request, will make everything plain to you. He will remind you of all the things I have told you. I’m leaving you well and whole. That’s my parting gift to you. Peace. I don’t leave you the way you’re used to being left—feeling abandoned, bereft. So don’t be upset. Don’t be distraught”.

The night before his crucifixion, Jesus talked about leaving, but he mentioned a “parting gift” of peace much better than any game show prize. He was preparing his disciples for his crucifixion and resurrection, preparing them for the Saturday in between the two. Saturday was a day of confusion, uncertainty, anxiety, anger and deep sadness.  Their plans and expectations were dashed to pieces and life was upended.

Jesus said to them “I’m not leaving you abandoned and bereft”. Instead, he left them with the peace of being well and whole.  The Greek word used for peace here is Eirene, the idea of harmony, of inner rest of the soul.  The disciples may not have felt inner rest that Saturday after Jesus’ crucifixion as their daily life with and plans and expectations of Jesus’ work in their lives was now gone.  Perhaps they felt powerless, confused, and certainly grieved at their tremendous losses, as we do now.

The disciples experienced not only the loss of their beloved Jesus, but also loss of their roles, plans, expectations, and dreams. We are also facing the loss of roles, expectations, routines, plans, or perhaps loss of friends or family member’s health.  As Kessler notes, we may not have known what we had until it was gone, but grief comes with the loss of something, anything (not just pandemic or death related) .  The disciples may not have known what they had, either, and Mark’s gospel tells us the disciples were grieving (16:10). 

Our grief and hope

We learned in the abortion recovery journey that the grieving process includes times of anxiety, sadness, anger and maybe guilt (survivor guilt; guilt or shame for feeling the way we do, or not being better prepared, etc.).  Every grief experience is unique and must be named in order to feel and move through those feelings.  When we don’t acknowledge our feelings, there can be negative physiological effects like headaches, ulcers, sleeplessness, etc. Sometimes bottled up emotions can spew out on others like a shaken can of soda, creating a sticky, relational mess.  

God knows we are feeling this way, so it’s okay to admit and express it to him. Jesus knew the disciples would feel the way they did, which is why he prepared them on Thursday by promising that he wasn’t abandoning them, and he left them peace and the coming Holy Spirit.  He hasn’t abandoned us, either, and spoiler alert, we already have the Holy Spirit.  On that uncertain Saturday the disciples needed to remember and hold onto the hope of Jesus’ promises. But by Sunday, two “downcast” disciples on the road to Emmaus said “they HAD hoped” in Jesus (Luke 24:17). Past tense. They were no longer hopeful in his promises.  They knew the grief and pain of Saturday, and they weren’t too hopeful for Sunday to be any better.

May we hold onto the hope of inner rest that a better Sunday is coming as we experience the grief and pain of our long Saturday! We can and need to share our experience of grief and confusion with each other, (while being socially distant or connected virtually) as the Emmaus travelers did.  But can we do so with our hearts hopeful in whatever resurrection is coming?  Can we cling to the promises of wholeness and peace, knowing we already have the Holy Spirit?  Having hope is not a way to skip over the feelings of grief. Rather, we grasp hope as we work through the grief feelings while holding onto the promises of the One who remains with us, and believe God’s words to Hosea: “I will transform the Valley of Trouble into a Gateway of Hope.” (2:15)

Let’s Talk: What losses are you grieving?  How can you feel and express them? 

How can or have you sought a gateway of hope in the midst of your Saturday season?

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2 Corinthians 3:18 (AMP) And we all, with unveiled face, continually seeing as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are progressively being transformed into His image from [one degree of] glory to [even more] glory, which comes from the Lord, [who is] the Spirit.

But as the scripture points out, I don’t transform my story, it comes from God.  The tools gained in TYS are not magic wands that will instantly change us.  Rather they are instruments to pull the weeds or distractions that may hinder our ability to connect with God. This can stunt our growth.  Using the tools opens our hearts and minds to engage with God so His presence can transform us over time. He invites us to participate with Him in the work, remaining accessible to Him by practicing the use of spiritual tools.

Tremendous progress in this work was gained in an abortion recovery group. Many of the areas over which we stumbled, though, have multiple levels and certain issues may need to be revisited before they stop interfering with our life in other areas. New rounds of struggles happen in life and can trigger those old areas, so we need to access those tools and re-apply some of what we’ve learned in recovery.

The tools we use…

I typically need tools like prayer, journaling and gratitude on a daily basis.  Some of the other devices I must keep handy include anger and forgiveness letters and shame and truth walls (along with safe community in which to share as needed).  These instruments and others helped me through the loss of a family member, the suicide of another relative, the divorce of close friends, and a myriad of other issues that trigger old stumbling blocks discovered in abortion recovery.  

Different tools engage different aspects of our being and may be used separately or together.  Some tools engage the mind (journaling and reading), while some involve the emotions (letters, walls). Some tools satisfy the need to belong (sharing in community), some permeate the spirit (prayer, gratitude) and some encourage behavior (anger management and self-care).

Using spiritual tools keeps us grounded in reality and in God and keeps us out of our heads and away from the lures of the enemy.  Our goal is greater recovery and wholeness in God, and the tools are implements that move us toward that goal.

Tools should be used consistently, even if only a little at a time.  Otherwise, they can get rusty and more difficult to use over time.  Don’t wait for a crisis to hit and then scramble to find the needed tools only to find them caked over with rust, barely able to move (like the pruning shears in my garage last year).

Let’s Talk: What tools have you used lately? How can a spiritual tool you’ve gained be used to help you connect to God today?

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“Why TransformING Your Story, and not simply Transform Your Story?” was the question posed.

According to Merriam Webster, the “-ing” at the end of a verb creates a present participle which renders it a continuous action.  Not a one-time occurrence, but an ongoing process. 

Perhaps leaving off the “-ing” in transform would render a sense of accomplishment, but perhaps it would also bring a sense of complacency that stalls any forward movement or progress.

God’s plan of restoration or transformation is a gradual, unending experience and lifestyle with God, not simply a one-time occurrence that ends in completion with after-abortion support.   Rather than a one and done event, abortion recovery should be one step in an ongoing process of transforming a life story.

The first Biblical tale in Transforming Your Story is about the woman at the well in John chapter 4.

¹³ Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. ¹⁴ But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”

Jesus states that the water he offers will become a spring within the person who drinks of it.  A spring is water that flows and progresses.  If you drank of the spiritual water offered by Jesus during your abortion recovery journey, that water is to become a flowing spring. 

When water does not flow, it stagnates and can bring disease. Have you ever seen or smelled stagnant water?  It is dark and cloudy and the stench can be like raw sewage.  Stagnant water can be an incubator for bacteria and a breeding ground for disease carrying mosquitos.

Flowing water impedes the movement of bacteria, rather than nurture it.  Flowing water fosters healthy life. In abortion recovery, Jesus deposits a flowing spring of water that should propel us onward in continual motion with God to bring a healthy spiritual life.

If we stop moving with God, satisfied with how the view and experience of our abortion story has been transformed, we are in danger of stagnating spiritually.  Our perceptions and thinking can become slow and murky, attitudes can begin to stink, values can begin to decay, and diseased actions can be an invitation to the enemy of our soul.  The hard work done in abortion recovery can begin to erode.

We can nurture the flowing, living, spiritual water that was deposited within through ongoing awareness, practice and application of what was learned during the abortion recovery journey.  Remembering and applying truths learned about ourselves and our God and his grace. Practicing prayer and listening for God, engaging in healthy spiritual community for support and encouragement, applying the spiritual tools gained to our everyday lives.

Don’t settle for stagnation. Continue to flow with God in transformING your story!

2 Timothy 3:14, AMP: But as for you, continue in the things that you have learned and of which you are convinced [holding tightly to the truths]….

Let’s Talk: In what ways may your journey be stagnating?  How have you continued to flow with God?  What changes might you want to make to nurture the spiritual water within?

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The Transforming Your Story guidebook begins with a friend’s metaphor of gardening. Her tale intersected my story perfectly.  The subsequent chapters of the book mirror my own journey to offer a guide for others to begin the work of examining, categorizing and pulling the “weeds” of destructive emotions and thoughts that have crowded the garden of our heart, mind and soul after an abortion so that the healthy “vegetables” of hope that God has planted there can grow and nourish us and others.

After we labor in weeding our story it is appropriate to pause and look at the healthy planting that God has done as we worked and reflect on the goodness of what was done.  God did that when he created the earth and everything in it.  Each time He worked, he took a pause and said “it is good!” (Genesis. 1:9-31).   And He placed humans in the garden of his creation and invited them to continue to cultivate his land with Him. He knew the weeds were coming (Genesis. 3:6-7), and He had a plan to re-create or restore the goodness that was made. He knows that weeds come back, and that the garden needs continual tending.

Thomas Greene, author of “Opening to God: a Guide to Prayer” writes, “The first … encounter with the Lord is never a final, completely transforming revelation”.

Completion of Transforming Your Story is not a final discovery of God or ourselves. Rather, it is more of an initial encounter, an invitation to continue to draw near to the Lord, to explore or examine, continue to weed and continue to grow in character and relationship.

That is what this blog is about.  It’s about the journey that we continue in partnership with God to re-create or transform old habits and messages, how we view or experience past and present harms and how we live our stories out going forward. It’s about a lifestyle or ongoing process of transformation.

I have continued to hike and weed this ongoing path myself since my first spiritual encounter with a transforming God.  At times the journey has felt like a step forward, sometimes like a step back, and sometimes I’ve let the weeds grow until nearly blocking my way.  The journey has and is not taken perfectly. But I believe that being willing to try to practice what was learned and to learn new things is the important part.  Desiring to make progress, one day, or one moment at a time.

My prayer is that this blog will be somewhat of a continuation of the book.  But in monthly, bite-sized, and lighter chunks! I encourage you to pause and reflect and to respond to God’s invitation to continue to draw near, weed and grow.

Let’s Talk: How have you reflected on God’s goodness in the garden of your soul?  What might it look like for you to respond to God’s invitation to partner with Him in your ongoing story?

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